2011...new year, new me...

So here it is... my blog is back. Again. 2011.
It's a little different than it was before, since I'm a little different than I was before, but better I assure you.

Last year I vowed to write on here everyday, lose a lot of weight, and many other things that all led inevitably to missing days on the blog, cheating on my diet and falsely upbeat passages intent on bringing hope when I, some days, felt none.

Then in March, my world was shaken and my eyes were opened. I am choosing not to go into detail because it is in the past but let's just say I wish there would have been an easier way to learn that lesson. None the less, I'm stronger and better for it. And in the end, I'm thankful for it.

But in the mist of the chaos, I quit blogging and the reason was simple....I was tired.
Lame? Maybe...but let me explain.

See, I am a caregiver. Aside from music, it's what makes me tick. I love my family and my friends, who are my family too. I am a teacher, a doer of things for others and mostly feel I am only worth what I give to others. I do it gladly and willingly expecting nothing in return. The happiness I find in helping is enough.

No, really..it is.

But in the spring, I needed things. I needed to not be there to catch for once, but to be caught. I now realize I had plenty of people to break the fall, but the thing is I couldn't ask. I didn't. It's one of my flaws. It will probably end up being my fatal one. I hate to ask for help.

So instead I just kept giving. No one stopped needing me and things still had to be done, so I went on. And it wore me out.

I realize my friends reading this will be waiting in line to whack me in the head like Gibbs to DiNozzo and one will be ready to do some shin kicking for this little confession. I'm aware and I'm ready for you. But I wouldn't have missed a minute of being there for you. Or my kids. Or my husband.

But at the end of the day, to come here and try to be happy and hopeful, I just had nothing left.
...but I digress.

2011.

I am renewed and a little older and a lot wiser.

So this time around, I make no promises save one...you will know if I am happy or sad or overwhelmed. I am basically a happy, positive person. I like to make people smile, but there are days when it's just not real. And now, you will know.

I was in a car riding with a friend of mine this summer. I had a moment when I let it all get to me. I listened to my angry songs and sang loudly as we drove to buy fireworks. She was so relieved that I had days like that too! I couldn't believe it. I guess we all like to know that our friends are messes just like we are. So I'm here to share my messes and my goofs and my triumphs and my happy thoughts.

So some days will be up.
Others will be down.
And others...you won't see me.

But I am going on a journey this year. The journey I wanted to take last year, but the timing was off. God and the universe knew I wasn't ready. But now...now I am. And it will be an adventure and a life well lived.

And I hope you'll go with me. I'll make one more promise. I won't let you down. It will be worth the ride.

So here are the goals: (not resolutions...goals!)
#1 - get healthy and stay that way!
#2 - get the book into print (more on that later)
#3 - The plan!!! (details to come!!!)
#4 - run a marathon (yeah...you heard me)

So until you read again, Peace! Ang

P.S. Continually listen to Jar Of Hearts - Christina Perry....Breathtaking. As a side note you can youTube a SYTYCD video to this song that will smash you to bits with beauty.